The First Birthday
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Post movie: Elsa is swamped planning her 22'nd birthday party - her first one since she was exposed - and is relieved that Anna is staying out of the way. But when Anna starts staying away from her altogether, Elsa fears she's getting a taste of her own medicine - and one year of having a sister is all she'll get after all.


**A birthday fic posted on my birthday – though I didn't see the irony until after I started writing it. Spoilers here and there for Frozen.**

The kingdom of Arendelle was in uncharted territory. For the first time in ages, there would be an official birthday party for Queen Elsa. The coronation for her 21'st birthday didn't count, for various reasons.

Technically, this 22'nd birthday party was just to celebrate her birthday. Yet this ball had to go smoother than her 21'st, for reasons that had little to do with her birthday. Elsa knew this better than anyone and would plan ahead thoroughly.

To that end, Elsa was semi-relieved that Anna wasn't getting in the way.

They started putting the ball together a month in advance, leaving Elsa with a lot to set up. Between that and her actual duties as queen, she was being pulled in more directions than usual – leaving her very little time to see her sister.

Elsa expected Anna to barge in anyway, for one reason or another. Yet as her birthday got closer, Anna didn't come to her with anything at all. No gossip about Kristoff, no games with Olaf that disrupted anything – not even a knock on Elsa's bedroom door.

For the first week, it was a relief for Elsa. Maybe Anna understood how busy she was and respected her boundaries. She could do that for a few days sometimes, although it made her even more….over the top when she couldn't take it anymore. Needless to say, Elsa was worried that Anna would cause quite a scene once she snapped.

But after that second week of useless fear, Elsa was more puzzled when Anna didn't bother her. By the end of the third week, Anna's absence made her more….concerned.

With a week now left before the birthday ball, planning was at a fever pitch. But despite how intense and time consuming it was, Elsa cleared as much of her schedule as possible. And yet even with more free time, Elsa couldn't find Anna – and Anna wasn't trying to look for her.

This wasn't like the old days, so they did actually see each other a few times a day. However, Anna didn't talk Elsa's ear off when they did, and even seemed….anxious to leave her in recent days.

Because Elsa was getting more and more scared to know why, she didn't press the issue. She couldn't bare to. But as her birthday got closer and Anna got farther away, Elsa couldn't bare much else either.

It was cruel irony, given all her experience in baring time apart from Anna. However, now that Elsa had a whole year with a sister again, it seemed cruel to have it fade away once more. Especially since she had no idea why.

That train of thought, and what it could lead to, threatened to make her sick. Maybe that would get her out of the party, though. But Elsa knew she couldn't be that lucky.

After not having real birthday parties for 13 years, Elsa was expected to go all out. Anyone in the world would be expected to, really. So Elsa went along with the extravagant plans and ceremonies, since they seemed logical enough. If a town wide birthday party for someone that froze the town 12 months ago could have logic.

But Elsa ignored it – and how none of this resembled the party she wanted on so many lonely birthdays.

The one common denominator her ideal birthday and this real birthday had was Anna. And for some reason, she was pulling away from her too.

Elsa didn't even know how it was her own fault this time. But she couldn't work it out now. Otherwise she might get too sick to track Anna down.

The night before Elsa's birthday, she made absolutely sure no one would bother her. The party planners would handle any crisis and complete all the projects themselves, without coming to her. Technically, the birthday girl should be more surprised by her own party anyway.

Yet the most important part of the party – to Elsa, anyway – didn't show up for dinner again. This time, however, Elsa had the free time to see where Anna really was.

She didn't need too much of it, though. She just wanted to go to the fireplace and cool down before searching. She didn't actually expect to see Anna there.

Unfortunately, once the initial shock wore off, Anna was the only one who still looked nervous. "What, what are you doing here?" Anna got out.

"Just….came to rest," Elsa covered up. "The party's just about ready to go. I figured I should get my strength up for tomorrow."

"Good, I'll get out of your hair," Anna said way too quickly. As if the novelty of hearing those words from her wasn't rough enough.

"No, it's not a problem," Elsa said, sounding completely under control. "I know I've been busy lately. But after tomorrow, you won't have to make yourself stay out of the way anymore. You might as well get a jump on it tonight."

"That's okay, tonight's pretty full anyway," Anna stunned her. "Joan and the portraits have been lonely lately, you know? Plus I might try this reading stuff you're always going on about."

"Oh," Elsa tried to stay even keel. "Well, books have waited so long for you, what's one more night? They don't have the kind of hot chocolate I do."

"They don't? Oh, well, um….shouldn't hold that against them forever. Plus I'm trying to cut down anyway, so…." Now Anna was really making Elsa worried.

"I'm sure it'll be easier by the fire! And this is the best one we have!" Elsa made the case for the fireplace.

"You really don't know anything about hot chocolate withdrawal, do you?" Anna asked. Yet she didn't ask with the light, jokey tone Elsa would have expected. She was really starting to miss it.

Now Anna was taking it further away by heading for the door. "Anna, wait!" Elsa called, trying to think of something else she'd stay for. Then she settled on the perfect question. "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

This made Anna turn and face her again, so that was definite progress.

One look at Anna's face immediately erased it all.

Instead of lighting up at Elsa asking Anna for a snowman this time, Anna stayed.…lightless. It was the oddest and scariest thing Elsa had ever seen - and her imagination was filled with scary, fearful things. Few of them struck her with as much terror as this.

The terror of seeing Anna so quiet and so….scared. With nothing else in the room – unless Olaf or Sven suddenly got real good at hide and seek – there was only one thing she could be scared of.

One person….

"I can't," Anna confirmed Elsa's worst fears. "I'm, I'm sorry, I _really _have to go!"

Anna turned around and tried to walk out of the room normally, but she wasn't too good at it. By then, the damage had been done to Elsa. Enough so that it was nowhere near being repaired the rest of the night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elsa lay in her bed as the first official minute of her birthday passed by. Her eyes were wide awake and nowhere near closing, despite the midnight hour. She told herself she just couldn't sleep, but she couldn't get away with it for long.

She knew she was staying up in case Anna knocked on her door. And she knew how pathetic she was to expect something that wouldn't happen. Tonight, if not ever again.

Elsa figured she shouldn't be that pathetic, really. She knew deep down this day had to come soon. The day when Anna suddenly and inexplicably gave up on her, as inexplicably as Elsa gave up on her.

What else could it be? How else could Anna refuse all _those _offers? It was too little, too late for them, that's how. She got too busy planning her birthday to spend time with Anna, even after all her promises to be closer to her. It was obviously the final broken promise Anna could stand.

It all made sense. Except for the part where Anna _didn't _pester Elsa to spend time with her. Not all month.

So how could Elsa ignoring her for the ball be the last straw, when _Anna_ did all the ignoring?

Was it something she did before this month? Elsa couldn't remember anything that bad. Cheating in the last snowball fight couldn't be it – they already established Olaf's arms counted as weapons. Maybe she pushed Anna aside for queenly duties once or twice, but she didn't break any really important meetings.

If Anna was spending all her time with Kristoff, she would have been bouncing off the walls about being in love, at least once. She might be trying to be more careful about love – but she couldn't keep it up for an entire month.

Nothing about it made sense. One minute she was eager little sister Anna, the next she abandons her big sister without warning. Without giving Elsa any idea what she did. Without even giving her a chance to make up for it.

The whole thing was so unfair!

Except for how it completely was.

This was nothing but a taste of Elsa's own medicine. Overdue karmic payback for what she did to Anna. Now she was the one who would lose a sister and have no idea why. Now she was the one who got a taste of an amazing life with her sister, only to be frozen out of it without her permission.

Elsa did it to Anna because she had no choice. Because she had powers she had to be ashamed of. Unless Anna got powers herself, Elsa couldn't fathom the good excuse she had. Unless she didn't have one and was just doing it for revenge.

It should have been ridiculous, because Anna didn't have a cruel bone in her body. Neither did Elsa until after that night, though. Cruelty can come from anywhere, on purpose or not.

Because of that, Elsa had no right to be furious at Anna, even if she was being cruel. The Snow Queen lost any moral high ground, and any right to hate being put out in the cold, years ago.

Briefly having it all, before losing it out of nowhere, was truly a just punishment.

Deep down, Elsa knew that was ridiculous. Yet fear, insecurity and self-hatred had sounded more plausible to her for years. They wouldn't just disappear forever – not with this golden chance for a comeback.

It would all be complete tomorrow, or rather later today. The first real birthday party Elsa had for so many years, and it would _still_ be her worst birthday ever. All because the one thing Elsa really wanted for her birthday would be gone. Or at least she'd wish she could leave.

Either way, Anna would be gone. And Elsa didn't have a leg to stand on to object. No matter how much she should.

Maybe if she stayed up longer, she could drift off late and sleep all through the party. It'd be less embarrassing than just cancelling it. Probably.

If she was going to stay up, she figured she should get out of bed. It might not be comfy, warm or happy in here, but Elsa knew how to sleep through all that anyway. A walk outside would likely kill some time and keep her on her feet.

Elsa quietly left her room, forcing herself to look straight ahead when she passed Anna's room. If that's what she wanted, then Elsa supposed it would be her early birthday gift to her. Not that she'd probably accept a real one now.

It was a small victory that Elsa and the weather stayed quiet as she left the palace. She walked through the quiet, deserted square, feeling quite at home in such a setting. It'd been a year since she felt that, but she should have known it -

"Ahh! You gotta be kidding me!"

Great, it was quiet enough that Elsa was hearing things. Things like Anna yelling with lousy grammar. Just when she was starting to miss it.

"Calm down, we can fix this!" Wait a minute. Why would Elsa imagine Kristoff's voice too?

"Hold on, I can even it out! Come on, you, get even!" Elsa wasn't crazy enough to imagine Anna saying that. Not without any context. She just kept hearing her grunt and groan….which got louder the closer Elsa got to the barn.

"Anna, you've done all you can do. We'll just try again," the apparently real voice of Kristoff said.

"There's no time! Come on, you stupid….no, no, no, no!" the voice of Anna yelled – right up until Elsa heard a crash.

She didn't know what was going on, and she was still sure Anna didn't want to be near her. None of that mattered when she heard the crash. It might be way too late, but Elsa _would _take care of and protect Anna at least one last time first.

One last rare good memory to take behind the closed door. If she could even get that right. And if Anna wasn't paralyzed or anything.

Elsa rushed into the barn and kept running until he saw a familiar figure. It wasn't the figure she wanted to see, but Kristoff could do if Anna didn't want to….

Then she saw Anna on the ground. And saw and heard her screaming when she saw Elsa.

Anna cringed and looked down, lying on her stomach - but not quite lying right on the ground. In fact, Elsa really took in the scene for the first time, and saw that Anna was lying on top of….something.

"Your Highness! Um, did we wake you?" Kristoff asked. "Maybe you're sleepwalking! That's gotta be it! Might as well take that royal sleepwalk in the fresh air, huh?"

"I don't think I will," Elsa frowned, pre-emptively getting ready for Anna to ignore her. "Kristoff, would you ask Anna – "

"It's okay," she barely heard Anna say. Yet she sounded so quiet and broken that all of Elsa's anger and fear washed away. "He doesn't need to tell me anything."

A confused Elsa watched Anna get up from whatever she was lying on. Yet Kristoff stood in front of Elsa before she could see Anna pick it up. "Go ahead. It doesn't matter anymore," she heard Anna mutter.

Elsa wanted to march to Anna and ask what didn't matter – whether it was her or something else. But then she saw that something else and froze solid.

Kristoff stood back to reveal what looked like a life sized ice sculpture. Or rather, something that mostly passed for one.

It was a sculpture of what looked like a person, only its right cheek was mostly chipped off, and its right fingers had broken off. The eyes were sort of uneven and the tiara….

The tiara….kind of looked familiar. So did the hairstyle. And the dress. And the….

"Is that…." Elsa couldn't bring herself to finish. The more she looked, however, the more she couldn't deny it. "Is that supposed to be…."

"You? Yeah," Kristoff answered for her. "Most of it, anyway. Anna didn't mean to add the broken stuff."

"Anna didn't…." Elsa brushed aside the last part. She looked to Anna for anything else, but she wouldn't look at her.

This time it wasn't because she looked scared. This time she looked too sad to see Elsa. Even after carving her in ice…. "You _made _a sculpture of me?" Elsa finally voiced.

"I tried. I really did," Anna barely made herself heard.

"She really did. She got the idea a month ago," Kristoff actually explained. "Well, that's what she told me three weeks ago. After she spent a week _reading_ about ice carving first."

"_You_ read?" Elsa couldn't help asking a still quiet Anna.

"Yep. That's how much this meant to her," Kristoff kept speaking for Anna. "I made some effort too. I mean, harvesting ice is no problem for me, but carving it into people….that was new for me too. But Anna did all the carving, I just tried to teach her."

"You spent three weeks teaching her to make this?" Elsa asked.

"No, this just took two days. We went through 10 failed designs before that," Kristoff stated. "You get an inexperienced carver and teacher, and that's what you get. Plus actual ice carvers have been in short supply around here. Since….both our new jobs started and all."

"Oh," Elsa felt awkward, although she still had nothing on Anna.

"We were gonna finish tonight and show it off at your party," Kristoff revealed what Elsa partly figured out. "But then Anna took your cheek off by accident, she tried to fix it and tipped over….and now here we are."

"Yeah," Anna sighed/squeaked. Elsa turned to her, needing more words from her than that now.

"That's why you stayed away all this time? To make this? You did all _this _for me?" Elsa asked a question she already knew, but had to hear from her sister. "Why?"

Anna got herself to look at Elsa for a moment, but that was all she could endure. However, she made herself explain, "This was the first time I could give you a birthday gift in person. I wanted it to be special."

Now Elsa couldn't look at Anna, as she only heard, "You've made beautiful things with your powers for a year. It's so inspiring, it made me want to make something for you. _I _wanted to make _you _a snowman. Well, snowwoman, I guess. Or really an ice woman," she rambled, sadder than she ever rambled before.

"It doesn't matter. I tried to make you a real present and I failed. I tried so hard," Anna croaked. "I guess even if I got it right, the surprise was ruined anyway, right? I mean, here you are, and here I am ruining your birthday already!"

Yet Anna brought herself to look at Elsa this time, needing her to believe it when she said, "I'm so sorry, Elsa."

Elsa couldn't accept her apology. She could still barely accept her whole story. After everything Anna made her think and fear, _this _was the truth? This?!

She was supposed to have pushed her away because Elsa did it first. A year of being sisters was supposed to be all Elsa deserved. Instead….Anna spent an entire month making a birthday present for her. Not staying away from her.

Of course she did. Otherwise, there's no way Anna could have kept it a secret this long. Plus carving Elsa out of ice would be time consuming, even for an expert. For a beginner like Anna, it was remarkable she got that far.

Anna cut her off to protect her. She really did give Elsa a taste of her own medicine.

But Elsa did it out of fear, self-hate and then love. Anna did it just out of love.

She did it to give Elsa the birthday gift she never had the chance to hand her. To pay tribute to powers she only knew about again for a year – and never once doubted were beautiful and inspiring. So much so that she went all out to make something beautiful for Elsa's birthday.

She actually did all that for her. The last time Elsa was that stunned was….after Anna's act of true love last year. And after a year of happiness ever since, she really thought Anna would turn away from her?

What was she thinking?!

At that moment, Anna asked herself the same question. While Elsa had all her epiphanies, she was staying quiet and staring at her failed statue the whole time. Since Elsa would probably be disappointed at any moment, Anna was almost relieved at the quiet for once.

Then it was broken by something weird. Something that almost resembled a laugh. From Elsa.

In fact, now something resembling a smile broke on Elsa's face. Then her laughter got even louder.

Anna was prepared to accept Elsa being sad. But this was starting to make her mad. "Are you laughing at me?" Anna frowned. "I know I screwed it up, but I don't need you to – "

For once, it was Anna who couldn't get a word in edgewise with Elsa. Not while Elsa was laughing and hugging her.

Anna still couldn't talk once Elsa broke from her. In fact, when Elsa got up to Kristoff and suddenly hugged him too, Anna was at a real loss.

Kristoff wasn't too clear or comfortable himself, looking almost relieved when Elsa let him go. However, Elsa didn't notice one bit, as she just kept laughing and smiling while looking at her sculpture.

The irony of Elsa being so emotional while Anna was so quiet wasn't lost. It was the only thing Anna could figure out right now.

"Okay….I know I made you look funny, but you're not _that _funny," Anna tried to restore the natural order. Even if it meant Elsa would be disappointed in her after all. "I know this isn't the best ice thing someone in our family's ever made. But -"

"Yes, it is," Elsa finally spoke, although her voice still sounded shaky. "I _love_ it. I love it so much…."

"You do?" Anna's voice almost cracked too. Composing herself – since someone in the family still had to – she recovered to say, "Well, I'm sure I can fix it and make you love it more."

"No!" Elsa sounded much stronger and resolute. "No one's touching this. Not you, not me. It's going in the ballroom tomorrow as it is."

"What?" Anna got confused again. "But I couldn't get your cheekbones right! And you don't have fingers over there! You can't have something like…._that _at _this_ party! I know it's supposed to be perfect, and _that's _not perfect! It's messy, it's weird, and it's….just not like you!"

Elsa turned right to Anna, looking dead serious like usual – and yet still more emotional than usual. "And I love it. _Just _the way it is. I always will." She laughed a teary laugh as she added, "Don't ever forget that, okay?"

"K…." Anna still didn't quite get it. Elsa seemed to, though, and she looked too happy to question. So Anna tried to figure out why she loved it so much, even after she pointed out all its faults. Why would she still always love it just the way it…

"Oh…" Anna got it. When she did, she went from feeling nervous to warm and gooey in an instant.

"Oh…." Anna said in a more touched tone of voice. To think _this_ was how it ended up, after all looked lost a moment ago. All because Elsa actually saw it too early….

"Oh…." Anna said, in more of a questioning tone. What was Elsa doing out here anyway? What was _her _excuse for not being in bed? Was she too excited about her birthday? She couldn't be, because the last time Anna saw her, she looked so….

"Oh…." Anna said, more in shock now. She'd made herself forget about Elsa's pleas in the fireplace, so she could finish the sculpture. She had to run away from Elsa so she wouldn't blab, or stay too long with her. The fact she wanted her to stay was already too suspicious.

Anna thought Elsa would be happy that she hadn't interfered with the party. With her being so busy, it gave Anna all the cover she needed to plan this. If Elsa was actually upset she was staying away, for reasons she couldn't tell her all month….

"Oh!" Anna realized in a gut punch. In that instant, she wanted to hug Elsa, keep telling her she was sorry and promise she'd never leave her alone again. If that's why she was so upset….

But she wasn't upset right now. She'd been so happy the minute she found out everything. So there was no need for Anna to comfort her – not more than she already had. "Oh," Anna said one more time in peace, standing next to a still oblivious Elsa.

"Oh?" a still puzzled Kristoff tried to keep up. Yet the sisters were both too lost in their own world to help him.

If Elsa was okay, Anna didn't need to say anything to her. But there was something she still wanted to say. Something she hadn't said without a door between them for 14 years. Something she couldn't wait to say until the party anymore.

"Happy birthday, Elsa," Anna said quietly. That should have been enough, yet even that didn't cover it. Anna tried by adding, "And thank you. For….all of this."

Anyone else would need her to explain that "this" meant this whole last year of being sisters again. This whole year that made a present like this possible – that made so many more real birthdays after this possible. But while Anna didn't say it like that out loud, Elsa understood right away.

Since her last emotional display was so rare, Elsa didn't have the strength for another yet. She'd still have one if she even looked at Anna right now, though – and she still wanted to save some energy for the party.

All Elsa let herself do was nod her head, smile, and keep half her remaining tears in her eyes. Yet it was still more than enough for Anna.

"So….we can go to sleep _before _2 a.m. again?" Kristoff broke the mood.

"Give it a minute," Anna said, her focus still on Elsa and ice Elsa. Human Elsa followed her instructions without a word too.

A year ago to the minute, Elsa was having her last cold, sleepless, lonely night, while Anna was out like a light. Both of them knew everything would change when they woke up – although each had vastly different feelings about it.

Yet deep down, their hopes for things to change….like _this_ between them had been grinded away long ago. Even in Anna.

And now here they were. After another birthday morning of Elsa believing the worst, here they were.

It wouldn't take a third birthday surprise for Elsa to never doubt Anna – or their future – again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The party did everything it was supposed to do. All the guests had thorough background checks to weed out usurpers, Olaf and Sven had their own play area at a safe distance, and the storm fronts – queen-made or otherwise – would melt away by nightfall.

Arendelle showed itself and the world how far it had come from 12 months ago. The planners were certainly relieved that they wouldn't have to try as hard next year.

Even the weird, deformed ice sculpture of Queen Elsa in the ball room didn't cause much damaging gossip.

No matter how odd it was that the real queen smiled at it more than anything else at the party. Anything else that wasn't family, anyway.

**THE END**


End file.
